The Selphie Letters: Squall’s New Job
How’s everyone at Garden doing? We miss you guys so much!!! Have you managed to cause any wide-scale devastation lately? I still can’t believe you caught Irvine’s hair on fire! I’m not sure if the official mourning period is over, or is Irvine still wearing all black? I told Squall about the ‘funeral’ for his ponytail and that everybody was forced to attend. It still boggles my mind how he managed to give a forty-five minute eulogy about his traumatic and untimely loss. Really, that is an amazing feat by any standards..
Everything is going well in Timber. It’s strange to be living on our own. My biggest news is that Squall finally found a job! I know, I know… you’re probably thinking he’s doing something with the military right? Oh, how wrong you are…
It started when he went to the Timber Maniac's building. He said he was going to check out that Battle Series Magazine or whatever the heck it is... I’m pretty sure he was there only to check up on the latest issue of The Girl Next Door. Don’t even get me started. Anyway, one thing led to another and somehow it came up that the television station was hiring. So being the 'naturally outgoing' person Squall is (ha!) he went and applied. The station manger loved him so much, she wanted him to have his own show! The problem was - the only thing they had open was the old “Baking with Betsy” time slot. So Balamb Garden's former Commander, and world savior, now has his own cooking show, “Kitchen Call, With Chef Squall.”
Can you believe it!
Well, I mean since we moved here he has been doing all the cooking. Because, as you guys might remember, my idea of a ‘four course’ meal is ordering a pizza along with breadsticks and a cinnamon dessert – the marinara sauce does count as a soup, I tell you! To me that is four courses, no matter what “Chef Squall” argues. Oh back to my point, so he has been doing a great job. Well sorta....
During the third episode, his ‘assistant’ ran off crying after Squall tried to 'counter' with an Oregano Attack. Apparently, he can't let the SeeD training die completely. It’s not easy to work alongside him as we all know from past experience. Anyway, I was so excited when he asked me to work with him, just like old times. Although…the stupid TV station makes him call me his “Kitchen Kitten.” Yeah, don’t get me started with my title. It was a sweeps-month-rating promotional stunt. However, I drew the line at wearing the ears on my head. I saved the world too! I should not have to wear stuffed cat ears!
Sadly, I did find out later that I wasn’t his first pick as "Kitchen Kitten," but everyone else refused to work with him: Zone, Watts, the leader of the Forest Foxes, Angelo, and the drunken guy from the pub had all declined. I mean, I was little upset he asked the drunk guy before me, but hey - bygones. My therapist is so proud of me...
Anyway, who would’ve thought that Squall Leonhart would trade in working with Garden SeeDs for working with poppy seeds!
I enclosed a picture for you, so you can pass it around Garden and laugh hysterically… Maybe it will help Irvine’s grief period. One of Chef Squall's
first dishes was “Charred Chocobo Chops.” It turned out eatable, though he did learn that it’s better if the bird is dead before you start to cook it
. He ended up having to defend himself with a tennis racquet and try to keep his cool while wearing leather under stage lights. To hide Squall's fear of Chocobos (that we are not
allowed to talk about under penalty of severe punishment, torture, and bodily harm) I had to step in and 'take care of' the bird. I pounded the poor creature with salt and pepper shakers... I am a seasoned professional after all.
Get it 'seasoned.
The other picture I’m including... Well, see, I had to bring Angelo to the set. It didn’t go well. I think she mistook the strawberry dessert Squall made for a Blobra or something. She attacked, Squall yelled. Much fun was had by all. See, nothing has changed since we’ve been gone!
I better go, Squall is getting ready to plug the blender in. We all know what happened last time!
Love you guys so much,
PS: Next week Cloud Strife is supposed to appear on the show, Squall is giddy like a little girl!